A Black Woman in Training
By Brittany Morris, Age 14
Everyday I go through different things. I have visions of seeing myself in a better place. I’m tired of living in this cold world. I never asked to be a part of this. I feel that a lot of things have gone wrong, my world sways around, I’m almost never happy. Some changes need to come around I am tired of wearing a frown. I am also tired of being the class clown .How good can I possibly be? What I am expected to do? Besides get enough knowledge to get myself out of here I know for a fact that I am above all this street stuff, like ghetto neighborhoods, and all this unnecessary things in the city of Oakland. I can’t live like this, I am way better than that. I treat myself in a high standard and I treat myself with respect, rather than live fast like some of the young girls I know. I am a young black woman in training. I say that I’m in training because I haven’t learned everything yet but, I don’t doubt myself from being the best that I can be.
I’m really not ready for anything that can destroy my dreams .For instance, I don’t need a boy in my life who thinks he’s going to be able to get whatever he wants from me and I am not having that at all. I also don’t need a baby in my life even though the child will be a blessing, I am just not ready for that type of responsibility and plus I am way too young. My mother was around my age when she had me and I see how she struggles to raise me. All the trouble I’ve probably caused my mom might turn around on me and my child will put me through ten times worse. I really don’t want to go through that no time soon.
I need help in my life I really can’t call on anyone because I really don’t have anyone to call on. I’m not really trying to complain or write things that don’t matter. I grew up for fifteen years without a father- figure in my life and the man who was my step father wasn’t actually a father at all. When I was a young girl growing up around him he molested me, that’s why I am the way I am today. I know now that most men and boys are nothing but dogs (not all ,but some.) I can’t believe that a person who was that old would do something like that to a little girl. I have seen my real father a few times, but , he’s not really in my life. I can not seem to imagine why that man wouldn’t want to be a part of my life, how could he not claim a beautiful, smart, kind, and devoted young lady like myself. That’s why when I grow up to be something in life, he’s going to be upset that he wasn’t there to see me make it, I already feel that I’m closer to my dreams I can feel it in my sleep that’s how close I am. He is going to be sorry that he missed out, he’s not going to believe how well fortune and how blessed I’m going to be.
When I grow up I dream of being a lawyer. I would appreciate if I could attend school at Howard or Harvard University, when I graduate high school. I would like to get a B.Sc. in Psychology or designing; if I don’t become a lawyer. But my main goal is to become a lawyer. I know I can be where I want to be, if I work hard at it I’ll be where I want to be. I don’t have to use drugs to ease pain away I can live without all that drama it’s not necessary for me to live like that. I have so much planned for myself, you wouldn’t begin to believe. I am a very talented person. I can play piano, sing, dance, and act (drama.) I have many qualifications.
I don’t want to mess up by destroying my brain and my health, because in the long run, because basically what the drugs will be affecting is my brain and my health. So as long as I stay away from drugs and the wrong crowd, I will be able to live good and I really won’t have to worry about struggling, being on welfare, living in housing authority apartments, in a ghetto neighborhood, and dirty streets. I want to get away from this.
When I do, if I do have children or a child I want them to have the best of things, the type of things that are better than what I have. I see myself being able to provide for my family, and myself. Even though I know money doesn’t bring happiness. It does bring food to the table, clothes on my back and everything else money can buy.
I dream of living with my two sisters in New York City, in a large condo with five bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a gigantic living room with a great view. I would like to own a nice vehicle with nice shining wheels even though all that doesn’t matter. I would just like to show that I made it from nothing to something, just from keeping my mind straight on task doing what I’m supposed to do instead of lollygagging around. I just need to keep my mind forward on my dreams and goals.
In 2003, Brittany served as a S.C.E.P Youth Leader and as a part-time youth computer instructor at the Center.
